Releasing Negative Energy

Have you ever just wanted to kick someone in the face. I feel like that has been a constant theme in my life the past few weeks; whether it be feeling like I was just kicked in the face or considering bringing physical pain to a fellow human being. I am typically a calm individual and by calm I mean passive aggressive but I have this one person in my life who I most of the time refuse to acknowledge because I in general think they are a negative force of energy that I do not do well around. But how do you get away from someone that you are forced to be in contact with? Or better yet how do you escape someone who is intent on making you want to scream? Enough of the rant and now onto my new positive energy mantra. I am done with people who just exist to drive me absolutely insane (whether they know it or not) and on this quest to be a better person I am going to start doing one little thing that makes me happy a day.

It is pretty simple like today I ate a pumpkin muffin and wore a sparkly headband.
So here is my list of little things that make me happy
1. Free refills on coffee even after you leave the coffee shop and come back (Thanks Wrightsville Bean Co & Cafe I love you)
2. tights
3. starting a new book
4. homemade pie
5. really homemade anything
6. perfume
7. pumpkin anything
8. Law and Order:SVU marathons
9. mexican food
10. the ocean
11. catching up with old friends
12. a charged cell phone
13. Glee
14. glitter
15. friend crushes (these are platonic crushes on people you want to be friends with)
16. pictures
17. people watching

Can you ever really go home again?

While I've heard this question be asked and debated several times in my short life I don't think it ever really made complete sense to me until quite recently. In the past week I have had my wisdom teeth yanked out and decided to move home; it is still up for debate which was more painful. Overall, a pretty productive week filled with life changing decisions. To be very honest I am still undecided on my move home because while it will be financially beneficial I'm not sure if that's how I envisioned my last few months of college. Don't get me wrong I love my family and I know they only drive me crazy because it is their job but I am a firm believer that sometimes it is healthy to complain even if you are blessed. That being said last night was quite literally the official- you are living at home wake up call. I feel as if it is important to preface this with maybe I have been spoiled by being able to come and go as I please and not having to answer to anyone. But last night when my phone went off at 12:08 am and I realized it wasn't a drunk friend waking me up but rather my mother I realized that those do what you want days/nights weren't going to be my life anymore. Openly being the mature 21 year old that I am I was taken back to why my Mom was checking in on me... I had to let the wheels turn for a few seconds before i realized that she probably thought I was dead. Okay understandable I probably should have sent her a text. It was only after this moment that I started to evaluate why everything seemed so different to me at my parents house. Here is the tally I came up with...

Things that are the same:
My annoying little brother (well actually he is even more annoying than I remembered)
Stepdad that has to have everything his way
The drive to Wilmington
My Mom waking me up at 7:30 am (did I mention that my class wasn't until 11?)

Things that are different:
Me
Me
And oh yeah, me

It was after trying to distinguish what was different that I realized that things hadn't changed I had... How sobering it is to realize that college did what it was supposed to do. That the whole crock of "college is where you find yourself" is actually true. Even more importantly it made me wonder how often are we truly changing as human beings without even noticing? Is it okay to evolve and change without reflecting? Because as I was sorting through my old high school things to make room for my cool college stuff I suddenly felt like I didn't know that girl anymore. While I know that some of her characteristics will always be a part of me it made me question if this new me really is any better than the old me? I guess that is something that is going to take some time to work on but I am getting started the only way I know how and that's talking about it. Don't be shocked if I don't actually figure all of this out because as usual I am certain that I will always have more questions than answers.

Out of all 12 of my followers I assume that you have gathered that I have always struggled with my weight and for some reason being back in this house has me scared to death. It's like I walk into the pantry here and I am overwhelmed by all of the delicious things that I can't allow myself to have. While I am all for all things in moderation what do you do when you are surrounded by pop tarts, cookies, and candy? It wasn't until I left home that I made any progress with weight loss and even though today I have gained some of that weight back I was still positive that I could reach my final goal. But tonight as I sit in this room that used to be my safe haven and maybe one day soon will be again I am faced with the same uncertainty if I have the stuff to really put all of me into losing weight. I know one thing and that is that I am sick of being the over weight friend, daughter, girlfriend, or _______. I know I need to face these problems head on and I have already started taking steps by meal planning with my Mom and being responsible with my snack choices. If only I could get back into the gym. That is my plan this next week to gradually start going again. I refuse to move to California before making some serious life changes and it is now or never and I really hope you will join me on this journey. I'm going to try my best to be raw and honest about how I am feeling but with that kind of typing I am hoping you will excuse me if I don't use a comma or semi colon exactly right :-)

So, if you ask me you can never really go home again because something will have always changed whether it be your attitude, education, or weight. But if you are lucky one thing should stay the same and that is a family who is glad you are there and maybe that will be enough to get me through it...

"That was the strange thing, that one did not know where one was going, or what one wanted, and followed blindly, suffering so much in secret, always unprepared and amazed and knowing nothing; but one thing led to another and by degrees something had formed itself out of nothing, so one reached at last this calm, this quiet, this certainty, and it was this process that people called living."
—Virginia Woolf, The Voyage Out

"Why the hell are we conditioned into the smooth strawberry-and-cream Mother-Goose-world, Alice-in-Wonderland fable, only to be broken on the wheel as we grow older and become aware of ourselves as individuals with a dull responsibility in life?"
— Sylvia Plath (The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath)

Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup

Is there really anything better than a bowl of chicken noodle soup on a cold day?


A couple of months ago my sister was very sick and I decided I wanted to make her something yummy that her stomach could handle. I came across this website that was titled "6 classic dishes everyone should know how to make." (to be fair if you are a vegetarian there is only one dish you can make)

It turned out to be the best chicken noodle soup I have ever had and that's why I wasn't surprised when I started craving it a few days ago. I took a few short cuts and used a rotisserie chicken and boxed broth but it was still scrumptious. I also left out the celery due to my personal taste.


^ the onion, garlic, carrots, celery, thyme, and bay leaf cooking down.


^ After the broth is added


^ Add the noodles and simmer for 5 minutes until tender


^ Fold in chicken then garnish with parsley

You can find the complete recipe here:
http://www.stylecaster.com/news/7758/6-classic-dishes-everyone-should-know-how-to-make

October

(last October)

In retrospect my pierogies are more commonly known in spanish speaking countries as empandas... epic (tasty) fail

I woke up this morning with the urge to express myself in a public and self actualizing way; so naturally I turned to my blog.

I feel as if October has somehow snuck up on me and I can't decide if it is because the universe it actually moving faster in relation to my upcoming college graduation or if I have been so consumed in everything else that I forgot to look at the date. No matter how it happened fall is here which will soon lead to winter and eventually spring which will be the end of my undergrad life. I feel as if right now I am in the first stage of the Kubler-Ross model (which may explain that ninja October). It's funny I always thought the end of college would be when I had it all figured out, the point in life where I am finally an adult worthy of financial gain and happy hours that don't end in black outs. Maybe this is because I have seen one too many post grad films that could have easily been directed by John Hughes but I digress... I just feel like more than ever right now I don't know what the fuck I am doing with my life. The fact that I don't even have a cohesive idea of what I would want to do is even more frightening to me. Don't get me wrong I am quite possibly the happiest I have ever been but I am also the most terrified. I have a theory that this could be because no one is ever allowed to be fully happy without the cloud of impending doom hanging over the heads. I'm in dire need of coffee and to get out of this house so enough of my winey college fears.

Here is a poem by Bert Meyers in honor of my recent fear of aging

Watercolor Days

"Pull up the shade, look outside.
November sent a card to you -
an antique world upon a shelf.

These are the watercolor days,
there's never been anything else.
Trees that have lost most of their leaves
are sketched and delicate and look
like music written in the air.

A faint blue wash and that's the sky.
One hill, neither green, nor brown,
Sunlight warms a tired wall's face.
A few clouds, a few old ladies
with twilight tinted hair..."

Daring Kitchen July

PIEROGIES!!
After I got the challenge I decided I wanted to make pierogies mexican.
So I went with cilantro pierogies filled with chicken that I slowed cooked with homemade salsa.

I will go further into the preparation later...

Fourth of July Weekend

My sister and I spent the fourth at our Dad's place. There were several late nights and relaxing beach days with some of my sister's friends from college. On the third we sat in a life guard stand and watched the fireworks explode over the ocean. I also ended up making enough salsa and guacamole to feed a small nation.




^ My new favorite summer accessory

Watermelon Granita:
My stepmother found this awesome recipe for watermelon granita that was super simple. The only issue was that it takes two hours to prepare... But it was very refreshing after a long day in the sun.
Watermelon Granita Recipe:
6 cups watermelon
1/2 lime juice
1/2 sugar or splenda (we used splenda because my Dad is diabetic if you do this I would recommend starting with 1/4 cup splenda since it tends to be sweeter)

Directions:
Puree watermelon then add lime and sugar. If you want to make it alcholic (which we did) Mix in 2/3 cup vodka. Then pour into a metal pan and freeze for two and a half hours stirring every hour to reduce ice crystals.

I served it out of half of the watermelon and garnished it with cucumber slices and it was a big hit!

Daring Kitchen

I did it! I signed up for the Daring Kitchen! I have been putting it off for months but after a lot of consideration and a little coaxing from my sister I finally decided I could do it. So wish me luck and I can not wait to blog about it.

Sister Friends

Did I mention my beautiful sister is in town from California for the entire summer?
I have a feeling this is going to be the best summer yet.

Fresh Start

I think I am ready to take this blog in a new direction... Make it more about life and less about food; don't get me wrong there will be yummy goodies and recipe adventures along the way they will just now be mixed in with the outside world. Since the last time I have been on here I have attended a leadership conference, a cousins wedding, and spent too many hours lounging lazily around.


I have spent a lot of this last week at the farmers market mainly exploring the world outside the super market. I bought vegetables I had never heard of and fell back on old staples. I bought fresh bread, flowers, and hybrid corn. So needless to say my culinary adventures have been endless this week. The cooking started with a tomato sauce and ended with a delectable eggplant parmesan; which then needed dessert in the form of banana brownies. As I sat down for a simple panini lunch I was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of accomplishment and cleanliness. I don't know if it was pride for all of my ingredients being fresh and local or of just eating better but I have never had food give me such a complete feeling. Today, I am going to make a rustic peach tart and find a use for my peaches and cream corn as well as the kohlrabi.



On a non food note I have also been organizing my room/life and picking out my summer novels. I started Mrs. Dalloway this week and plan on starting The Hours when I am done with it. I heard that reading Mrs. Dalloway before The Hours completely changes ways you view the novel. Also, I am looking for any book suggestions it doesn't matter what the genre is just give me books that you have fallen in love with.

Also, there is a giveaway going on right now for this adorable bag.
http://www.prettypleasedblog.com/2010/06/wednesday-giveawaygold-chain-bucket-bag.html
I am a huge fan of the store, Hallelu, in general because they have beautiful things and I can walk there.

It's good to be back


D

For Holland

Thank you to my beautiful cousin who inadvertently inspired me to start back up my blog

Breakfast: Light Whole Wheat Toast with a tbs of crunchy peanut butter and half of a banana
180 calories
Snack: Pretzel Crackers and Morrocan Hummus: 150 calories and Strawberry Oasis Smoothie: 83 calories
Lunch: Cous Cous with spinach and green onions with a chicken breast on top: 340 calories and a cutie: 40
Dinner: 2 Pulled Chicken Tacos at Tower 7

Total 793

Vegan Day 3

Breakfast: Chocolate Coconut Larabar: 200 calories
Lunch: Burrito! with guacamole, pico de gallo, lettuce,jalopenoes, onions, and peppers :400 calories
Snack: Banana with peanut butter: 200 calories and failed sweet potato: 50 calories

Total: 850 calories

Vegan Day 2

^ It looks like a Pac Man bagel!



So, I was going to have a slice of 40 calorie toast with peanut butter for breakfast but my bread was not vegan... So I had to add 30 calories to my intake in order to stay animal free (which in all honesty I am not sure if my substitution was better). Otherwise today has been going good! I packed carrots and grapes for a snack and I have no clue what I want to have for dinner.

The Amy's meal I had for lunch was one of the best ones I have ever had! I would eat it even if I wasn't doing a vegan challenge. It had perfectly cooked brown rice and a yummy teriyaki sauce! Plus the broccoli and carrots weren't too mushy!

Breakfast: 1/2 weight watchers bagel with a tbs of peanut butter: 175 calories
Lunch: Amy's Organic Teriyaki Bowl: 290 calories and 1 cup Red Grapes: 110 calories

Total: 575 calories

Vegan Day 1

I am officially nervous and terrified that I am going to fail at this challenge. This morning I woke up and made myself a Vegan toaster pop but the whole time I was thinking "This would be so scrumptious if I had a glass of milk." I also realized that coffee is going to be a small problem this week but I need to stop looking at the negative. I have class until 11 today and I think I am going to search out the dining hall for some vegan options and then go walk the loop. I need to start searching for something for dinner. I am craving a sweet potato so maybe i can incorporate that somehow. I had a few setbacks this past weekend but I am hoping to work through them this week and start having a little more faith in myself along with a little more self control!

Today has actually been going awesome! I went to 2 local markets to get some food for the week and found some really yummy snacks.

Breakfast: Amy's Strawberry Toaster Pop: 150 calories
Snack: Apple Chips and Dry Roasted Edamame : 200 calories
Lunch: 1/2 of an Amy's Noodle Bowl: 145 calories
Snack: Apple and Peanut Butter and Tomato chips with Vegan Sour Cream and French Onion Dip: 390 calories
Dinner: Homemade Pesto and pasta : 284 calories
Dessert: Banana with 1 tbs Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter and 1 tbs of regular peanut butter : 280 calories

Total: 1,449 calories

NO SWEETS?

So it is day 1 of my no sweets until Tuesday challenge. So far all is well and I haven't had the urge to ransack the house for any stashed (in case of emergency) chocolate. For breakfast I had a banana nut vita muffin top (I do not consider this a sweet but what do you think?) I had a very long strenuous test for my 8 am and after that I rushed to the store on campus and got a coffee and an organic blueberry yogurt. After that I found a cozy table and sat down and started writing this before I have to leave for my ten. So, I have been thinking about upcoming week challenges and while this week I have sworn off all "traditional" sweets I was thinking it might be cool to limit my entire sugar intake to a certain amount one week. Also, I have decided to eat like a vegan next week but next Saturday night I am hosting a Harry Potter dinner party and I was thinking about excusing myself from the challenge for that one meal. Honestly, who can resist butter beer? I may make one vegan dish for the party though. Is that too much of a cheat though? I am very conflicted simply because I have had this party planned for a month.

Week 1: No sweets
Week 2: Vegan
Week 3: Vegetarian
Week 4: Ideas?

Also, my phone is dead and I left my camera at home in the "I might be late for my test" rush! So no pictures of my early morning meals!

Hitting the wall

I always run into a major problem when trying to lose weight which is getting to this point in my healthy eating regime where I give up/get bored. So, as my blog entries started to decline I realized that this is a pattern that I can not keep repeating. So, I had what I think to be a fabulous idea! The idea is to challenge myself to a different type of eating every week to keep my weight loss interesting and fun. Starting next Tuesday I am going to eat like a vegan for a week. As for the conclusion of this week I am going to not eat sweets. I am really excited about this challenge! I think it will be a great way for me to stay focused and have more fun with it. So if you have any good vegan recipes please send them to me! Also, if you have any ideas for what I could do for a week send that too.

Day 41

Breakfast: Kashi Pumpkin Spice Flax bar with a 1/2 milk: 220 calories
Snack: Kettle Corn Popcorn : 100 calories
Lunch : Cedarlane Enchiladas: 370 calories with 12 chips and Jack's Salsa 150 calories

Total: 840

Breakfast: Light Whole Wheat Toast with Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter: 160 calories

Day 39

I woke up to beautiful snow this morning! I think I am going to head down to the beach and get a few pictures. There is a bird in the second picture; you can click it to enlarge it.

Breakfast: 2 slices Light Whole Wheat Toast with Veggie Bacon, 1 egg, and a slice of cheese: 245 calories

Day 37

So I finally got my scale to work and I am up a pound! Ahh! I guess I will just need to work harder this week and really get into the gym.

Breakfast: 2 eggs and a piece of light wheat toast with strawberry jam: 210 calories
Lunch: Ethnic Gourmet Chicken Tikka Masala with a few apple slices and peanut butter : 370 calories
Snack: White Cheddar Popcorn 100 calories
Total: 680 calories