October

(last October)

In retrospect my pierogies are more commonly known in spanish speaking countries as empandas... epic (tasty) fail

I woke up this morning with the urge to express myself in a public and self actualizing way; so naturally I turned to my blog.

I feel as if October has somehow snuck up on me and I can't decide if it is because the universe it actually moving faster in relation to my upcoming college graduation or if I have been so consumed in everything else that I forgot to look at the date. No matter how it happened fall is here which will soon lead to winter and eventually spring which will be the end of my undergrad life. I feel as if right now I am in the first stage of the Kubler-Ross model (which may explain that ninja October). It's funny I always thought the end of college would be when I had it all figured out, the point in life where I am finally an adult worthy of financial gain and happy hours that don't end in black outs. Maybe this is because I have seen one too many post grad films that could have easily been directed by John Hughes but I digress... I just feel like more than ever right now I don't know what the fuck I am doing with my life. The fact that I don't even have a cohesive idea of what I would want to do is even more frightening to me. Don't get me wrong I am quite possibly the happiest I have ever been but I am also the most terrified. I have a theory that this could be because no one is ever allowed to be fully happy without the cloud of impending doom hanging over the heads. I'm in dire need of coffee and to get out of this house so enough of my winey college fears.

Here is a poem by Bert Meyers in honor of my recent fear of aging

Watercolor Days

"Pull up the shade, look outside.
November sent a card to you -
an antique world upon a shelf.

These are the watercolor days,
there's never been anything else.
Trees that have lost most of their leaves
are sketched and delicate and look
like music written in the air.

A faint blue wash and that's the sky.
One hill, neither green, nor brown,
Sunlight warms a tired wall's face.
A few clouds, a few old ladies
with twilight tinted hair..."